Parkzer

Adam Parkzer, better known mononymously as Parkzer, is a South Korean-American lawyer, police officer, gun enthusiast, financial advisor, movie enthusiast, film connoisseur, main character, target shooter, plastic surgeon, judge, professional rifle owner, Fourth Chairman of the Tojo Clan, doctor, journalist, store manager, sassy Princess Jasmine, breast milk deflector, dedicated Christmas celebrator, president of the United States of America, Nobel Prize winning golf ball diver, koala lawyer, pornstar's lawyer and pimp, relationship expert, city planner, former roommate and step-husband of DougDoug, and stepmom to Twitch Chat.

Parkzer appears semi-regularly in Doug streams, often being called by DougDoug looking for legal advice. Despite being a genius lawyer, Parkzer struggles with understanding pop culture and will often get cultural details wrong. This is just one of many of his traits as the fan favourite character of DougDoug.

Parkzer has a website at Parkzer.com. He has a section of his website dedicated to DougDoug at https://parkzer.com/category/dougdoug/.

Teaser
DougDoug first teased Parkzer's introduction to the DDCU on October 28, 2019 when DougDoug posted a screenshot on Twitter of his DM trying to convince Parkzer to be his manager. Negotiations were going poorly. Being a lawyer, Parkzer asked for things like 2 years' worth of income history and tax returns, but DougDoug instead offered 17% of his kidney. DougDoug sent a contract and NDA but Parkzer declined.

On Feb 16, 2020, Parkzer and Doug made sushi with fish and corn dogs with their mutual friend Allie Meowy.

Doug appeared as a guest with Parkzer on Tempo Sleepless Nights on March 27, 2020 which was a podcast for a charity event for Covid relief. They did not save the VOD on their Twitch channel so it is unavailable for viewing now. Lots of Doug's fans showed up and asked him questions about business and content creation.

In the DDCU
Parkzer's first formal appearance in the DDCU was when he was on I brought a Real Lawyer to teach me Gun Safety where he played Tetris, Type Racer, Mario Party, and gun safety.

In January 2022 Parkzer did a stock challenge where both he and Doug and Twitch Chat picked $10,000 of stocks to invest in. As the greatest lawyer in the world he picked the best stocks that no normal human being has ever heard of. A year later in January 2023 Parkzer revealed that he beat Doug by exactly $666.66. He wrote about it on his website and it is a fucking dissertation like what the actual fuck https://parkzer.com/2023/01/24/investing-parkzer-vs-dougdoug-results/

One day Doug went to get a haircut so Parkzer did a Q&A on his stream while Doug was gone. Parkzer couldn't keep up with donations and streamed for 2 hours. Parkzer said Doug didn't get his haircut because he went on the wrong day.

One day during a GTAV challenge Doug texted Parkzer because one of his viewers needed legal advice. He needed to get back his v-card. Parkzer, like the great lawyer he is, helped the viewer out and now he is happily divorced. Parkzer appeared on Rosa's birthday party in the grand finale when he made a WoW character named Rosatheotter and Twitch Chat escorted him to the ocean. This was the first time he streamed in 3 years. Because the stream went so well and got so many donations, Parkzer had to eat a whole salmon with DougDoug live on stream wearing bunny suits. Parkzer said on his website it was his favorite stream of all time. Parkzer went to PAX west with DougDoug and did a meet and greet. People brought completely normal things for Parkzer to sign, like a divorce contract, broken blender, toy drill, miniature rubber chicken, catnip mouse, issue of National Geographic magazine, computer science homework, a mold of somebody's teeth an atlas, and Red Bull.

Parkzer shared his location on Google maps with Doug. He can zoom in to the exact address that he is at and knows the specific building. Because of this, Twitch Chat tries to play Where In The World Is Parkzer San Diego whenever they can because Parkzer started going on a really long road trip in 2021 that has lasted several months so he is always in a new location. In November 2022, Parkzer began talks to acquire the Zorbeez trademark and X27 Fiber Technology patent from Vertical Branding Inc. Unfortunately, things have not been going well after Parkzer mistakenly called it Z71 instead of X27 and confused the fiber technology with a Chevrolet offroad pickup truck. According to latest rumors, Parkzer must now defend DougDoug from a lawsuit from General Motors, the owner of Z71.

On Valentine's Day 2023, Parkzer joined DougDoug in person to review Twitch Chat's dating profiles. At first Parkzer did not know what a dating profile was and he started giving feedback on the app rather than the profile. Once he got the hang of dating apps he actually started giving decent advice. He also got distracted a lot and talked about more important things like pension plans and taxes and the IRS. During this stream, he revealed that he didn't know what Instagram DMs were until someone sent him a video on Instagram. He also revealed that he is a business advisor to a bunch of porn stars and that he drank a screwdriver when he was 6 years old. He also revealed that he likes squirrel videos.

Koala Parkzer
In the 4th AI invasion video, Twitch Chat and I Invaded a Zoo with Artificial Intelligence, Parkzer is a lawyer Koala. Being a member of the Cult of Chotters, Parkzer is a valuable asset to Twitch Chat. Parkzer seemed to be the only Koala that was part of the Cult of Chotters amongst the many in the koala exhibit, until the Dougama Herd invaded the exhibit and took over by using Paul, the zombie llama with a gun to shoot the koalas, making them part of the Herd except for Parkzer, who separated himself from the koala exhibit.

During his service for the Cult of Chotters, he was able to benefit the Cult greatly, doing actions such as getting them the Fish Bears by suing them for custody and shooting Harambe, which allowed them to recruit the crocodiles by offering them his body, but Parkzer also failed or disturbed the Cult of Chotters, such as failing to breed with the goldfish and putting Twitch Chat into a loop by not allowing them to seduce Harambe with the "Giant Female Gorilla".

"Blank" for Parkzer
DougDoug wants Parkzer to be happy so he and Twitch chat has been building things for Parkzer. The first thing they built was a city in Cities Skylines. Unfortunately the city got hit by 100 meteors so Parkzer can't live there, but he said he liked the high rise building and the volcano mountain.

The next thing they built was Parkzoo. Parkzer has been to a lot of zoos and said that Parkzoo was the worst zoo that he had ever seen in his life, but he would still visit so he can blog about how bad it is. The things he liked about the zoo was that Doug locked the protestors in an exhibit, and that there were a lot of bathrooms, and that there was a walking path that went up really high so he could get a good view of the Parkzoo.

DougDoug DiscordDiscord
Parkzer occasionally makes an appearance on DougDoug's official Discord server called The Doug District. He has a special role called "This is Parkzer" so people know it i s the real Parkzer and not an impersonator. He will always respond to pings, but he said he would mute pings if too many people ping him too often for pointless things. The mods do not like it when people ping Parkzer. Parkzer revealed that he sometimes searches for his name on the Discord for fun and will sometimes respond to things hours or days later even if you don't ping him.

On September 9th, 2022, Parkzer claimed that he was a "not-lawyer" in a one-word story thread on the DougDoug discord server. This is false. A DougDoug discord user corrected this, adding that Parkzer was a judge.

On October 16th, 2022, Parkzer did a Q&A on the DougDoug discord server. He revealed that he sometimes plays Final Fantasy 14 and posted this screenshot of his character on Discord. He said that he used to make his characters look like himself but then started making cute girl characters because he said if he is going to stare at a character for hundreds of hours then he wants it to be nice to look at.
 * He likes cats more than dogs
 * He cant play FPS because he gets motion sickness but he likes storyline MMORPGS
 * He types 170 words per minute
 * He will not sign a living thing unless the living thing gives consent
 * He likes the Rush Hour movies and police comedy movies
 * He is on a really long road trip and says he is homeless
 * He used to play in a pop punk rock band in high school and his favorite bands are Motion City Soundtrack, Fall Out Boy, Yellowcard, All-American Rejects, All Time Low, Panic! at the Disco, Sum 41, and Pierce the Veil
 * His favorite foods are sushi and salmon belly
 * You can't get the death penalty for jaywalking
 * He is really like this in real life and is not faking it for stream
 * He wants to visit Alaska
 * He has considered actually going into law school and police academy so he can become a real-er lawyer and real-er police officer.
 * His birth name is Adam Park, but due to how generic his surname was, he had it legally changed to "Parkzer," mainly to help him appear higher in Google search results.

Early Life
Parkzer was born in Chicago, Illinois to two South Korean immigrant parents who he describes as stereotypical Asian helicopter parents. During the early and mid 2010's, he would talk on his Twitch stream about how he thought his parents were stopping him from reaching his full potential. He said they were not very good at being parents, but the worst part was that they thought they were very smart and great parents. In the late 2010's, he said that moving out was the best thing he could have done for his future. In the early 2020's, he has regularly mentioned on Q&As and podcasts that moving out and living on his own has helped him grow very fast and learn more about life in a few years than his parents taught him in his lifetime. He credits Andrey "reynad" Yanyuk for giving him the income and work opportunity to leave Chicago and move to Los Angeles.

Parkzer attended the Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy and graduated from Prairie Ridge High School in 2010. Parkzer graduated from University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2014 with a Bachelor of Science in Sociology, Psychology, Criminal Justice. He said that he was not very good at school. He disagrees with the American education system and says the incentives are misaligned and the system needs an overhaul. He still goes to continuing education school at University of Nevada, Las Vegas for Organizational Leadership, Management.

Adult Life
Parkzer used to work for the Cary Police Department as Assistant to the Sergeants of Operations, Administration, and Investigations. He has a license from the California Bureau of Security and Investigative Services. He has a certification from the World Taekwondo Federation. He volunteers for the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. He is a Lifetime Member of the California Highway Patrol 11-99 Foundation. He is a Platinum Donor of the Long Beach Police Officer's Association. He is a Sponsor of the Nevada Police Foundation.

Parkzer grew up in Chicago and moved to Los Angeles in 2015 and then to Las Vegas in 2018. He said he hates California so he moved out. He said he still loves Las Vegas, but after his travels, would also consider moving to Montana, Denver, or Calgary after he has a family because the education system in Las Vegas and Nevada is bad and he doesn't want his kids to be stupid. But he also said that he found out he is pretty adaptable and flexible so he is happy to move wherever his future wife wants to live if she really wants to live there.

He is a black belt in taekwondo and used to teach MMA. He also practiced kickboxing and Muay Thai and Brazilian jiujitsu. He can be seen in a Youtube video where he is casting a guy doing kicks. Tornado Kick & 360° Back Kick – Demo vs. Sparring – Taekwondo. He still regularly goes hiking and works out at the gym and says he is probably one of the more physically active people when it comes to the video gaming industry. When he hikes, he usually hikes 2-5 miles and uses a tracker on a map.

Apart from DougDoug, Parkzer has also been roommates with Twitch streamer and Onlyfans star Smexyrosies. He lived together with her and her three cats. He moved out on June 1, 2021 to travel the world and become a nomad. Before her, Parkzer was also roommates with Karen "Renniesaurus" Lai. He would travel with her to esports events a lot and appear as a guest on her streams. While he was in college, Parkzer's fans believed he was roommates with someone named Elise, but not much else is known about her because she is not a public influencer.

Career
In his free time he is a full time employee of video game studio Tempo Storm where he is the official lawyer and official police officer. Tempo Storm is where he first met DougDoug. According to his website, he stays at the Tempo Storm office sometimes which is also a gamer house with bedrooms. According to open corporates the address of the Tempo storm office is 6020 LIDO LN, LONG BEACH, CA, 90803-4105. During a QnA Parkzer said he doesn't mind that the address is public record because they have to put the company headquarters address in the government paperwork and it is in a nice neighborhood with high police protection and he has a gun and another resident there has a shotgun and the house is very big and hard to navigate and the only way to truly deal damage is to bomb the whole building which he might not even be there for because even when he lives there he is not there a lot because he is traveling.

He is also a full time employee for himself where he tells other people how to be a lawyer and police officer. He said on stream one time when Doug called him that he knows the Terms Of Service of Pornhub and that he advises adult entertainment actresses so maybe he is also a pimp. He was able to answer all of Doug's questions about becoming a Pornhub star.

He said during a Discord Q&A that he has won 4 actual real serious lawsuits in small claims court (and not the fake ones as a lawyer that DougDoug says).

Before DougDoug (B.D.)
In the years Before DougDoug (B.D.) Parkzer was a streamer and content creator. During 5-9 B.D. Parkzer streamed League and vlogged on his Youtube channel but now all of them are private. In the year 5 B.D. Parkzer quit streaming to be a police officer. He streamed for a little bit after that sometimes but now his Twitch channel says:"I no longer stream regularly, though you may still occasionally catch me live when I'm co-streaming with friends or participating in a special event." When he was a streamer he played League. He was known for having very stupid things happen to him. And he would share screenshots with his community. He was also known for being one of the only people to play a lot of Twisted Treeline before League deleted the map.

Parkzer was known for being a Heal Ignite user and sometimes got called the SilSol of Twisted Treeline. He was also known for being a one trick pony Zyra. When he streamed on and off again for a while in 2 B.D. as part of Tempo Storm, he changed to being a one trick pony Quinn and would play her in every role.

Parkzer used to rage at his teammates, but he said that changed after he studied criminology and worked for law enforcement. He says that now he is embarrassed and cringes at his past for getting mad over a video game because there are so many more important things to get mad about in real life and video games don't matter.

Gun
Parkzer is famous for having a gun but never shooting it at anyone. He says he has a gun because he lives in the USA and other people have guns and he doesn't want to be at a disadvantage in a gun fight. He has a custom white Glock 19. He said he painted it white because he wanted something unique and different that not many people have but didn't want it to look like a toy either.

Parkzer has said in the past that he also has a Colt M4 Carbine LE6920 but hasn't shown it on stream before. Doug also didn't know he had a rifle until it was randomly brought up one day.

Hitman Career
When asked how he would escape the police after a murder, Parkzer gave an incredibly well-thought-out answer. This, his tendency to shoot people, and his travel-centric lifestyle has lead many to believe he is 'secretly' a hitman. He seems to know all the secrets used by the police, including their mole people and air support. At several times, Parkzer admitted to having close connections to the police.

Cop
Parkzer used to work for the police and has connections with law enforcement, and when he was asked on Discord what to do when you get pulled over, he gave this advice.


 * pull over either into a parking lot, or as far to the side of the road as possible, to make the officer feel safe approaching your vehicle and not have to worry about getting hit by a car
 * turn off your engine completely and put your keys on the dash where they are visible from the driver's side window
 * roll down all your windows
 * place both your hands on the top of the steering wheel so the officer can see them
 * before making any motions, such as retrieving your driver's license or proof of insurance, let the officer know where it is and announce before reaching for anything
 * if the officer is either a highway patrol trooper or someone who is younger, they are more likely to have an attitude of wanting to be hard in crime and will probably give you a ticket anyway if you are not related to law enforcement or an insider, so for them, do not admit guilt, do not consent to any searches, and tell them that you invoke the 5th amendment if they try to question you
 * if the officer is older or has a more casual/friendly demeanor, you can try to be chatty and honest to see if you can get yourself out of trouble, but keep in mind that everything you say can be used against you in court, so be aware that it is a risk

Quotes

 * "Laws are just suggestions"Doug loves Parkzer.jpg
 * "Ok" after Doug tells him I love you
 * "You are literally trolling"
 * "No I will not shoot you"
 * "Hello bug"
 * ”You can milk my family all you want”
 * "What's the donkey's name in Shrek?"
 * "I watched Rick and Morty. Wait is that a movie?"
 * ”What does it mean if a breast is cocked and ready”
 * "I am running away from boring traditional adult life."
 * "This hotel is a clown fiesta"
 * "The scariest man is a man who has nothing to lose." -Parkzer on his time in law enforcement and meeting people who have nothing to live for anymore so they have no problem killing other people and killing themselves.
 * "My time is my most valuable resource." -Parkzer on why if he wastes money it is ok because he can go make more, but if he wastes time he can't get it back.
 * "Pants on head r*******" One of Parkzer's self proclaimed favorite phrases before it became unacceptable to use the R word. Now he sometimes says "Pants on head idiotic" instead.
 * "Win lane lose game" -Parkzer when he played League of Legends because he would always win lane but then not know how to keep his lead and just throw the game in late game.
 * "I need you to use both halves of your brain today" -Parkzer when he coached people in League of Legends who were not very good

Trivia
Doug (on 10/27/22) has demanded that Parkzer's wiki page always remain longer than his own, which means there must be as many Parkzer facts as possible. They are listed here.
 * His favorite TV show as a kid was Jackie Chan Adventures. He also watched Pokemon.


 * On December 24th, 2022, Parkzer was a guest on Mira's stream. They did sunbathing (but Parkzer sunbathed with long pants and a hoodie on), cooked food, went for a walk and looked at Christmas lights, did a hot tub stream (but Parkzer just stuck his legs in and still had a hoodie on), and did Just Chatting. The VOD was deleted because Mira had a nip slip when Parkzer was doing BJJ with her and put her in guard.
 * He gets cold easily.
 * He would not pull the lever in the train morals puzzle. (A train is going towards 5 people, you can pull the lever to direct it to killing 1 person instead)
 * Doug has never found a way to make Parkzer shoot his gun, outside of a crazed gunman.
 * Doug can milk Parkzer’s family all he wants
 * He started doing taekwondo because his parents made him do it when he was 6 years old. He decided to do muay thai, kickboxing, and BJJ because those are the best MMA for real world situations.
 * He is a black belt in taekwondo which is, according to him “the least impressive type of black belt”.
 * He says he doesn't know much about international affairs because he doesn't really keep up with it.
 * He would consider retiring in Hawaii.
 * When he teaches people basic self defense he says the #1 piece of advice is to run away. He says you shouldn't street fight because there usually isn't a winner but instead there are just two losers but one person loses harder. If running away doesn't work then you should never try to absorb hits from the attacker and instead deflect and use the attacker's momentum against them.
 * He is not perpetually horny like Mira's chat is.
 * He doesn't like it when food has too much salt and seasoning because it takes away from the flavor of the ingredients.
 * He drinks a lot of Coke Zero and tries to avoid sugar.
 * He has really bad eyesight but he hasn't gotten new glasses in 16 years because he is just waiting for a good chance to get laser eye surgery.
 * He says he is not compatible with water and gets sea sickness just by being in water. He says he feels disoriented and it took a while for him to adjust even with just his legs in the water. He said the last time someone convinced him to take a bath he got so sick that he almost threw up.
 * He found it relaxing to sit by the hot tub and just do nothing because it was the first time he sat and did nothing in a really long time because his brain is always on productivity mode.
 * Chat wanted Parkzer to be their dad and started calling him Dadam (Dad+Adam). Dadam said that a few other streamer friends chats also call him that.
 * He met Mira 2 years ago when she visited the Tempo Storm team house and they became friends because she is a psychologist and he thought she was smart.
 * [[File:Parkzers pickup truck with a PUBG crate in the back that he posted on Twitter.jpg|thumb|Parkzers pickup truck with a PUBG crate in the back that he posted on Twitter]]He drives a dark red 2018 GMC Canyon pickup truck.
 * He thinks zorbing a dog would be very convenient.
 * After the salmon-eating bunny suit stream, Parkzer has expressed a desire to wear salmon suits and eat a rabbit within Monterey Bay Aquarium. Particularly, he wants to eat Mr. Snarfers.
 * Doug is more invested in Parkzer's life than Parkzer himself, as said on 11/21/22
 * According to recent leaks, Parkzer is to become the main character of Season 4 of DougDoug.
 * Parkzer is noticeably missing in the DougDoug Clips channel's YouTube video, titled "DougDoug Best of 2023", as Parkzer has had not appeared on Doug's stream yet this year. This is because Doug hadn't streamed by the time of the video's release.
 * Parkzer does not drink alcohol. This may be the secret to his financial expertise. He has consumed alcohol once at the age of 6.
 * One of Parkzer's business consultation clients is one of DougDoug's favourite adult entertainment stars. He said if he is following a porn star on Twitter or Insta then she is probably a friend or a business client, and not because he is being horny on main.